Amidst the headline news this week of the tragic losses of the iconic fashionista Kate Spade, sister of the Dutch queen Maxima Ines Zorreguieta and culinary guru Anthony Bourdain I felt overwhelmed by how all of these are connected to mental health struggles and death by suicide. Whats more is that today (in 2018) the topic of depression, anxiety, stress, and suicide is not talked about in enough in family settings or at the dinner table. Don't get me wrong, anything the subject of depression, anxiety or even suicide comes up, it can raise many different emotions and can be difficult to talk about especially if you are dealing with this. But not talking about it does not make it go away. After the release of the second season of 13 Reasons Why and the sudden suicides that took place which made headlines all over the world it hit me, when and how can we start opening the doors for these types of conversations with our loved ones? Why does it feel so nerve wrecking for people suffering from depression or anxiety to say "I need help" or "everything is not okay"?
The truth is that it is scary because as supportive as everyone seems on social media when it comes to mental health support, even our closest friends and family sometimes disappoint when it comes to being a listening ear or a supportive shoulder. I can recall the times I felt so anxious for no reason, feeling so many thoughts racing in my head and not feeling anything at the same time, having a phone full of numbers of friends who don't check up on me anymore which makes me question if perhaps I am too needy or worthy of even their friendships. Its never easy for someone to open up about their personal lives especially if this involves depression, anxiety or even thoughts of suicide. In my experience, friends and family are quick to dial the hospital number or want to take you to a doctor as soon as you mention the words "I don't feel like being here anymore". Its a complicated battle not even 'we' who suffer understand ourselves but even so, the support means everything. I remember having friends tell me that its all in my head and that perhaps I am overreacting. After all, how could it be that a person who always smiles and has everything going for her, feels so depressed and unhappy. CHECK UPS I believe that one of the best ways to not only open doors for this topic but to also be a change agent in the lives of your loved ones who might be secretly struggling with depression, anxiety, stress, mental health disorders or suicidal thoughts is to simply ask "Hey how are you? Is everything okay?". Of course its not expected that every day you ask the same questions over and over. Any person can become overwhelmed and uncomfortable if the only topic of the conversation is about their mental health. However, showing your unconditional support can come a long way. Offer to go out for a cup of coffee or simply come over if you know a friend is struggling or gives the signs that they are. I can recall the friends who somehow knew when I was feeling depressed and by simply saying "I am here for you, just give me a call even if it is 4 am" made the biggest difference. Getting out of the house once in a while can also help relieve feelings and negative thoughts. AVOID JUDGEMENTS Many people become mental health experts whenever someone mentions that they are struggling with a mental illness or problem. Even if you ever experienced a similar situation, everyone fights their battles differently and being judgmental or extremely opinionated only creates a barrier that closes every door for closure and emotional support. Some people might have difficulty accepting or understanding parts or situations that for others might seem easy to solve. Avoid being the expert and just be a support. One of the biggest challenges I face with anxiety is the unwanted attention it draws when I cancel last minute on someone, or when I prefer to be by myself and I am seen as rude or not interested. Its a complicated relationship that feels like having hundreds of voices talking over and over again in your head. It's not as easy as breathing and doing meditation (and all the other things they tell you to do), and you would feel fine. Most people judge too quickly and assume that people with depression, anxiety or any mental illness are lazy, demotivated and unwilling to change. Its one thing to want to change (and believe me most people WANT to change for the better) but making the first step is scary and the journey itself is long and uncertain. Between the uncertainty and unpleasant feelings that these illnesses bring, having understanding, a strong support system and people who care can make all of the difference. People do not commit suicide or have suicidal ideations out of nowhere. The signs are always there. When someone with anxiety, depression, bipolar or any mental illness (or suicidal thoughts) reaches out, be ready to listen.
1 Comment
Jocey
6/13/2018 04:12:35 pm
“Most people judge too quickly and assume that people with depression, anxiety or any mental illness are lazy, demotivated and unwilling to change” ohh soo relatable. Good read!!
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My name is Keyla and I am a second year university student studying social work. I blog about social media, lifestyle, health, beauty, love, relationships, career and student life-hacks. Leave a comment and give my articles a ❤️ or 👍🏻 and don't forget to share to show your support. 😘, Keyla Publication Dates
March 2018
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